Asteroid Blues

-Incoming transmission coming from the Toledo region:

“Panoceania Commanders of the Shock Army of Acontecimento division, Anthony ‘The Angry Can’ reporting our activity and ‘Countermeasures’ against the Combined Army in the Gallery Maze region of Novvy Bangkok Asterodial Colony.”

“What kind of f*@king name is The Angry Can,” -Johnson murmuring
“Johnson, just put it on speaker!” -Lt Stephen Rao
“Yes sir,” Johnson switches over the transmission to speaker, “transmission being received and recorded, you are good to report.”

“Yes sir! Commanders, while scouting the Chimneys region for those Combined scum, my team came across a small force of those alien bastards. We prepared to ambush them, Dart and our 2 Naga troops moved into position to protect several HVTs that happened to be in the area.”

“The enemy thought they could get the drop on us, especially when ‘Bob from Accounting’ walks in the middle of our formation. He tried to distract us with some numbers or some shit… just wait until I tell you what happens.”

“Ugh, this isn’t some goddamn Nomad reality show bullshit.” Stephen murmurs.
“Lieutenant, do you want me to put that on the record?” Johnson smirks.
“Shut up Johnson, and continue with the transmission.”

“A fireteam of 2 Bagh Mari, 2 Regulars, and I set up a strong defensive position. We ignored Bob and were able to stop the advance of the Tiagha Creatures on our right flank.”

“So get this, Bob… he was a Speculo Killer! We all knew he was up to no good, like some kind of Sixth Sense. He walked right into my mine and gets gunned down with our Sniper’s Pistol and my Combi Rifle fire. That alien impersonator had no idea what she walked into.

“Our Bagh Mari HMG out gunned a Maakrep HMG stopping any advance of those damned aliens. We pinned them down as they took up the defense and let us go to work.”

“The Guardo De Assaulto advanced up; winning the fight against the Skiavoros but was not able to take it down… However Gaurdo’s Aux Bot was able to get an eclipse grenade placed to let the Guardo to Follow Up on one of their HVTs. His bot started Extreme Prejudice on one of the Tiagha Creatures, rolling over its neck.

“Dart ran up the left flank, spec firing an E/M grenade to isolate the traitors Bit and Kiss. She then finished Extreme Prejudice on the little worm bot, who was gunned down by the Bagh Mari HMG earlier.”

“Two more Taiga Creatures advanced up our left flank. In a bad moment, a Mentor was able to surprise Dart with two lucky shotgun rounds, killing her instantly. “

“Unfortunately, with some bad positioning, the Guardo became their main target. First their hacker got a Data Scan on him and then was able to Immobilize him. Then that damn Skiavoros got the last laugh and Sepsitorized him… We had to end his suffering with some well placed Double Action rounds in to his back, when we went back on the offensive.”

“The fireteam took out the Unidron and a Imetron before going back to our defensive positions.”

“Our Assault Hacker Naga attempted to do some Espionage on another one of the HVTs, but was unable to do so. That damn Civilian was able to reset out of it, twice. The Pathfinder stopped the advance of the last Tiagha Creatures and we set up a small defense.”

“Bit, in a last ditch attempt, was able to do Espionage on our HVT and then the rest of those bastards did everything in their power to stop us. They defended their remaining HVTs and started to put down Suppressive Fire.”

“Our Naga FO crossed the entire battlefield. That giant Doctor Worm held his ground patiently expecting a surprise attack only to let the Camouflaged Naga walk right by him. The Naga was able to get to one of their buildings untouched and flawlessly performed a Mapping on it. Pushing us to a Major Victory over those Combine alien scum. Mistakes were made, but they couldn’t handle the might of the superior firepower of the Hyper-Power”

“Excellent work, our team will recover the Guardo de Assaulto’s Cube and hopefully we can learn more about the EI. We will also work to get Dart’s Cube and get her back and running to full capacity. Your work on the field will be noted and set to headquarters,” Lt Stephen Rao signs off.

End Transmission.